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Conversation with an Old Friend

"Damn it!" Xanth stood and paced the length of the small room. He ducked each rafter of the low ceiling by instinct, having walked into them so many times since moving into the house. Having an idea, the tall, slender man left the room through a small wooden door and walked into a larger common room. The round central room, the heart of the house, branch off its perimeter into the rooms of the companions. All had a room here, except Lan, who still preferred to sleep outside in the woods.
Xanth walked into the bright room and looked around. None of the companions were in, it seemed. The door to his left was closed, as it always was, but the room was not unoccupied. The light sound of music came quietly through the silence, barely audible, like a ghost. Xanth pressed his ear to the door and listened. The soft sound of a flute played a few soft notes and suddenly stopped. Xanth swore, not outloud and took a step back from the door. The door opened to darkness. By contrast, light of midday streamed into the common room from the opening in the roof above, but the room before the young man gave no light.
"Can I help you?" the low voice came, slightly graveled, but not harsh.
"Sorry to bother you, Trynn," said Xanth apologetically, "but I can't get any of the energies to come me. I thought maybe you could help me." Xanth found his voice trail off as he was scrutinized by the dark eyes of the elf.
"You're blocked because you're human." As if that finished things, Trynn turned and walked back into his room. He left the door open, however, in silent invitation. Xanth stepped into the room after the elf. The thick smell of incense clung to him as he entered, myrrh, he thought and the soft light of candles lit the dark corners of the room. Trynn walked ahead of him. bent slightly, not moving as fast as he once did. Pain plagued the old elf now.
"What do you mean, 'because you're human'?" Xanth asked, sitting in a chair opposite the elf, who sat on the floor.
"I'm a creature of 'myth', I have a more direct connection with the gods because I believe I am of them. You've seen me call the forces," Trynn replied, "you've felt me raise the energies and direct them out from my body. You've even witnessed Tali do it. But has Brant ever cast a spell?" Trynn looked up, and at the same time, somehow down at the man seated in the chair before him. "I mean simply," he continued, absently picking up a glass of wine from the tray beside him, "you have too much of Brant's influence in you. He doesn't 'believe' the elements can be harnessed. He doesn't feel the swell of energies or have the patience to learn them." Xanth cocked an eyebrow at the elf.
"Brant doesn't feel with anything but his hands," Xanth said, finishing for the elf. Trynn smiled darkly.
"You try to experience the gods too much with your hands. Magic has always been innate for me, a part of me. But you've been too removed from it and so have to work harder to attain it."
Xanth considered and spoke, "I'm also working different magics than you did, and so I think they require more control..."
"There is no control, and that is your block. That is why Brant doesn't do it. The powers flow through us, are a part of us and can be directed, but not controlled. Once we try to squeeze it in our hands, like water it splashes out. Instead, guide it, until you learn to control your grip." Xanth sat silently for a minute, reflecting.

Trynn was never one for rituals. To him, structure was a cage that confined and trapped him. The work I'm doing now is different than that of before, more focused on "religion" and ritual. I've been blocked lately, trying to resolve the structure of magic with the power of it, but there's been those voices in the back of my head; the one, Brant, telling me there is no sense in this, that we didn't need the gods before, that we are warriors, not mages. The other is Trynn, reminding me that not only is it possible, I've had it, I've experienced it.

I think what I'm lacking is centering. I need to find the power inside me, and stop looking to the outside to regain what I had. Once I get my senses back, then work with the books, apply what I've got and expand it. I think Trynn needs more time outside, to reconnect me with the forces. I'm going to work this weekend on grounding, on shutting out the outside influence, the "noise" and focus inward.

Today's Rune:
Hagalaz- Hail
Clearance, destruction, drastic change and testing. Hagalaz is the destructive hail that destroys the crops we've planted and grown. It is the unwilling sacrifice of what we think we need, and forces us to rebuild, regrow.

posted by September @ 7:21 AM