"Give in to your hatred"
What I can't figure out is why the more I want to be left alone, the more people bug me. What innate urge drives people to think "Hmmm, Trent looks grouchy today, I'll go ask him what's wrong and interupt him until he finally snaps and puts an axe in my skull." No, I'm not depressed or sad; no, I don't want a hug; no, for fuck sakes, I don't want people standing in my cubical, pointing out to everyone that I WANT TO BE LEFT THE FUCK ALONE!!! Yes, I'm feeling a little darker today, and if I had ten minutes of peace and quiet, I'd likely be able to figure it out. In the time it took me to write this alone, I've been interupted by 3 people and my cell rang twice. Ok, 4 people. 5 people.Granted, it's work and I'm overreacting. Granted, it's 8:32 am and I'm maybe a little tired. Granted, Lesleigh has already rolled her eyes at me when I tried to talk to Justin and then proceeded to ask "what's your problem" when I didn't say good morning to her. I'm feeling a build up of energy that I can't release right now, and it's taking most of my will power to contain it. It's an interesting feeling, like force pushing out and on my chest at the same time, rising through my body and into my head, almost like a throb, but a prolonged throb.
The good thing about this mood, if I can keep it under control, if I can think before I explode, I can be extremely efficient, analytical and sharp.
3 Comments:
that was me yesterday but I didn't keep it under control. I ended up accidently kicking the cubicle partition and yelling that I hate this job. Learned my lesson today.
How are you feeling now. By your above post I'd say a bit more focused. oui?
A bit. I'm still pretty "rage afflicted", but I'm nothing if not disciplined, right?
And I wish I'd seen that :) I could go for a bit of kicking down stuff today. I'll probably go for a walk after work.
a walk does wonders! as you said so yourself ;)
kicking down stuff is fun. I don't think it was appropriate but sometimes I get so frustrated by my big business employer. I hate my job.
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