Reset

Revamped and Rewritten

Fuck it. It's time to start writing again. And not only writing, sharing my thoughts. I have been in my "why is everyone whispering about me" frame of mind. I hate this space in my head. The in ability to write, to complete a thought, to have a fucking conversation. I don't have "flow" anymore. I AM scared. I'm frightened that people aren't going to "like me", or judge me, or.... What, Trent? What is it that you're afraid of? I'm afraid to open myself, in any way, to any one. Smarten up, fuckhead. You've been through worse than this. You don't have anyone to be afraid of, including yourself. Change the patterns, explore again and for the love of pete, get up and fucking fight back. They aren't always right, and you aren't wrong. And when you are, you learn. There's going to be better things, better days, but you have to change it.

I started therapy last week. The first session was good, I think. Steve (the therapist) thinks I have an anxiety disorder of some sort. He thinks I'm "living scared", and he's right. I'd started writing a story, one that I think has the potential to be one of the most original pieces I've written, and I don't want to share it because I don't want people to compare me to the lead character, a guy named Roy who thinks he's a vampire and can't figure out why his powers don't work. Seriously. I can't do it anymore. I can't live in this tiny, isolated box anymore. I've stunted myself, cut off my own legs in a sense.

FUCK!

I need to get out and release some of this.

So, I'm going back to blogging everyday, even if I don't have anything important to say, because it IS important. All of it. The words that spill randomly from my fingers as I sit and type and the deep, important thoughts. And to the Clayton's of the world, those that see my pictures, read my words, those that think they have some inkling of what I am, or who I may have been/will be, suck my ass. Close minded shithead.

"Bunch a fuckin' babies"

posted by September @ 9:17 AM