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Cheers

Another year already. 2007. Wow.

It doesn't really mean anything. It's just supposed to be significant of a new beginning. So, new year's resolutions? I made mine last year. I've been working toward letting go of the things I'm insecure about, about feeling strong enough to be able to feel comfortable with who I am. What does that mean? It means an end to paranoia, to defenses, to worrying all the time what everyone else is feeling or thinking about me. It means living for myself, but having the ability to have friends again, close friends, with out the half-truths, hints, secrets and excuses. It also means that (and this is the tough part) I can find a way to communicate without having to explain myself all the time.

I had an appointment with my therapist the other day and we talked about my insecurity, my defensiveness, the emotions I never show. He figures I don't know how to express myself emotionally, and I somewhat agree. I haven't told him about the cast of characters I've been living with, so he got a good taste of "Trynn". I don't know if I should explain my experemint (that's what I'm calling the whole thing now) because I'd just as soon not have to relive it, but I think it's still relevant and it still has alot of perceptive truth to it. And I'm still shaking the paterns of seperating all my moods, thoughts and reactions into catagories. Anyway, he gave me an assignment to make note of some emotion while I'm feeling it and just experience it, with the analysis. This could be tricky.

posted by September @ 11:57 AM