Too Tired for Hippos
Things have been uneventful, but at the same time, irritating. Sonja is moving out this weekend, never to return. I'm tired of talking about it, and I'm tired of dealing with it. I don't care anymore. I just want it to be over.
This weekend, I have very little planned apart from today and part of tomorrow. I think I might bring my xbox home and get into some gaming. Truth is, I've really not been just vegging this shift. I also have a pile of comics to inventory and I might do some work with action figures in the basement, before it fills up with water again. Speaking of plastic heroes, I went to wal*mart and finished getting the new Hasbro Legends series, and put together my Annihilus. I've got an idea now for a floating Negative Zone battle scene.
That's all I got today.
Black Sabbath Tuesday
It's getting near the end of the shift. I have big plans this weekend, including two appointments I have to keep, one I have to cancel, and maybe seeing Frank Miller's 300.
Hmmm. There's stuff that needs to be said, I think. I just know it's not worth the effort. I'm actually not really seeing the point of babbling the last couple of days. Last time, my therapist wanted me to start focussing on "what's mine" in the ways of resposiblity, and what belongs to others. More or less, stop taking on the "fix it" path to everyone's problems. I can be a guide without having to take it away from people. Truth is, it's stress of not being able to do what needs to be done to make people happy that gets me more than anything. The feeling helpless when I try to make things right and fail.
Anyway. It's tuesday, I found two Black Sabbath albums that I didn't own digitally on itunes, thereby bringing my Sabbath album count to 14. That should get me through the day. Then perhaps I'll have a steak tonight. Sink my teeth into something bloody.
Borrowed Time
I posted a little while ago about being 32. I said once that I didn't expect to live to see my 32nd year, nor that I'd made plans beyond it. I was down for a bit because I couldn't picture my life from here on out. Last night I had a revelation of sorts, that was reenforced this morning by one of my real-world heroes, Chuck Rozanski (
www.milehighcomics.com ), who wrote in his newsletter this morning (and bear with me, it's a quote of a quote), '"Seize each day as though you stole it from the Devil himself!"'
I was thinking more or less the same thing last night. Why not treat these new days, this second shot at life as borrowed time, a chance to do what I want, instead of worrying about everyone else? Ok, that sounds selfish, but what I mean is I've done the things I set out for myself to this point, so going forward is like a second life, a new start. I guess it's basically a chance to let go of the old shit that I hang on to, and grow again. I don't have to live with the shadow of what I was or what I should be anymore. I am now different in everyway than the person I was then. And I think I can finally get behind that.
What else? Oh, I got an awesome idea for a story that I might start working on sometime in the next couple of days. I just have to keep the train from derailing before I get time to sit down and work it out. I don't want to say too much, but as a hint, I've been inspired by my recent bender of all things zombie.
"We are the revenant
Whoa, we will rise up from the dead
We become the living
We've come back to reclaim our stolen breath."
-The Distillers
